Gettin’ Grown

Right after I brush Chewbacca’s cousin out of my hair and whimper appropriately, I get out of the shower and peruse the medicine cabinet to try and remind myself what it is that I need to get at the grocery store.

Melatonin. Check.

Toothpaste. Check.

Deodorant. Check.

Fiber Well Gummies. Aha!

I grab my Post It and scribble it down. Then realize that my completed list reads like step-by-step master cleanse instructions.

Grocery list or master cleanse instructions?

Whether I like it or not, I’m getting older. I’ve come to terms with it–embraced its inevitability. And have steeled my nerves to withstand the little daily reminders that Time is the only ageless player in the game.

But gettin’ grown isn’t all bad. It’s just a learning process. And we all have to begin somewhere. And the best place to start is acceptance.

So, as I inch closer to another decade of life, here’re a few things I’ve learned to love about my almost 30-year-old self:

(1) My grocery list almost always has something fiber-related on it. (I’m skeptical of generic fiber gummies.)

(2) I may not know of a salon that specializes in happy endings. But I can recommend a damn good neurologist. (Let me just rifle around in my bag for his card.)

(3) “Colonoscopy” has become more of a segue than a conversational snickering point.

(4) I revel in seeing the frequent shopper card discounts below grocery mainstays. (Touch my savings card and die.)

(5) I’m having a hard time understanding “new fashions.” (Where’re the rest of your pants?)

(6) I quietly nod along with “Clean up your pet’s mess” yard signs. (Scoop it or else, hippies.)

(7) I compare the relative strengths of privacy fences, and pontificate about which one would be best for that future dream house of ours. (The one surrounded by the fence-lined privacy hedge. [Zombies, keep out.])

(8) The only music I want to hear is the kind with lyrics I can actually understand. (The first three times I heard the chorus to Justin Bieber’s “Baby,” I thought, “The station should really get its skipping player fixed.” [And yes, I said ‘its player.’])

(9) Friends have had to point out the sexually-insinuative tone of things I’ve said. (Like when I was inspecting a building project and yelled up to two burly handymen fixing a gutter, calling, “Hey guys. Lookin’ good up there.” Then snapping a photo.)

(10) I repeatedly remind Andy that “I can’t eat Kashi cereal because it tears up my system.” (It does.)

(11) We have more towels than a car wash. (Why? Because you always need towels.)

(12) My old clubbin’ clothes are rags. (‘Screw’ what exactly? Dust, that’s what.)

(13) My buckle-heavy, S&M-like shoes have been ousted by Toms. (So comfy. So quiet.)

Old and loud. New and quiet.(14) Pet adoption sites have replaced porno on the “Favorites” bar. (Dangly Dave is no match for a three-legged Corgi. [FYI: I never knew a Dangly Dave. (Seriously.)])

(15) I’ve asked about gluten-free menu options. (Sigh. First World problems.)

(16) I’ve gotten buzzed off of one mimosa.

(17) Chumbawamba’sย lyric “I get knocked down, but I get up again” becomes an aspiration rather than an assurance after a cross-fit workout. (Why won’t my ears stop ringing?)

(18) Whenever someone mentions One Direction, I ask, “And which way is that?”

(19) After hitting a speed bump going 30 mph, I worry more about potential muffler costs than about how much it made my thighs jiggle. (Tire rotation trumps cottage cheese.)

(20) I’ve toted more cases of Silk home in the last two weeks than Corona. (Our in-house beer is a bottle of Framboise Lambic from Trader Joe’s. [It’s been in our fridge for six months. And we drove it across the country because we’re (I’m) cheap.])

More Calcium! Yes!

(21) My generic Teddy Ruxpin doll, Gabby, is now marketed as “vintage.” (My childhood now belongs to the Vintage Realm.)

***

Age aside, we just have to reminisce and laugh.

Ain’t that right, Chewbacca?

10 thoughts on “Gettin’ Grown

  1. Ha ha, love the “Lookinโ€™ good up there” comment. And yes, I am right there with you. It’s a bit of an adjustment to be so close to 30, and I have noticed already that my stomach is much more fickle than it used to be. I am determined to embrace my age though, and not look back at my twenties with yearning. There’s something to be said for advancing age, like the increase in knowledge and experience, the new friends I have, and having a better sense of what I want out of life than I did when I was 20.

    • Embracing it is definitely the way to go! ๐Ÿ™‚

      Oy, I know! My friend was more embarrassed about my comment than I was…you know, after she told me how awkward it sounded! ๐Ÿ˜‰

  2. Oh, Matt ! I love this. I especially relate to the fashion and music changes, since I haven’t understood lyrics since the ’90s and I spent my entire teens and twenties being sure my bra straps didn’t show outside the confines of my top. And if you handle your discount card like gold, wait till you get that senior discount, lol. But it’s all good. Getting older sure beats the alternative.

  3. Hey, Andy just called me with the good news! Congrats on the new job! You’ll have to give me some details- Andy was more excited to tell me it was at the ASPCA than to give me details about what the job actually is.

    • HAHA–it’s actually with spcaLA. One of the many things I learned in the pre-interview process is that they are a distinct entity from the ASPCA (and most spca’s are). It’s really, really exciting, as the Development Associate role really dovetails well with the skills I’ve honed through my non-profit work. I’ll be doing a lot of fundraising and some program development. AND, I’ll have a direct source for furry kids! Yay! ๐Ÿ™‚

      • That’s so great! Apparently Andy is also excited that you might be meeting celebrities at the fundraising events (that’s what he told my dad).

        • Tee hee. Well, I *may* meet some celebrities that’re contributing members of spcaLA. But we’ll see! I’m just excited to be with such a proactive, progressive organization! ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. Our two furry kids are from the SPCA! They do such good work,how wonderful for you to be a part of it and how wonderful for them to have you and your skill set. Adopting a pet from the SPCA or a rescue group is one the best things you’ll ever do- we’ve had a number of pets that were rescues and each one was/is remarkable. There’s an Anatole France quote that I love-“Until one has loved an animal,a part of one’s soul remains unawakened”. How very true. Animals,especially dogs give such unconditional love;truthfully I often prefer their company to the human.
    30? A youngster! I remember turning 30 and yeah,the metabolism starts to slow and things that before seemed hopelessly “old” suddenly seem,well, sensible. I prefer the ” it’s like a fine wine,we only get better with age” theory.
    And I really wouldn’t want to be 20 again-too much angst. Sounds like you’re maturing into your prime just fine. Take care & best to Andy.

    • Awww, we’re definitely super excited to grow our family by a few furry kids (whenever that may be)! And I definitely love the quote–so apropos!

      The coming decade should be a good one–at least that’s what I’m determined to make it be! ๐Ÿ˜‰

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