Shortly before I’m mistaken for Jesus by a coke addict claiming to be my disciple, I silently conjure a minor pox upon the woman whose unwavering, deadpan stare is making our Pinkberry experience a bit unnerving.
It’s one thing to cast a passing glance.
It’s another thing entirely to turn and stare. Especially with such a quizzical, judgmental air.
Sure, we all stare–make people slightly uncomfortable, intentionally or not.
Like the time when I was four, standing in a hot dog line with my mom, staring doe-eyed at a fairly rotund man in front of us.
I pointed directly at him.
My cherub-like red cheeks coupled with my a golden fro, and my chubby, outstretched arm allegedly attracted the attention of several others in line.
*Everyone stares, rapt in my cuteness.*
I don’t get a hot dog.
As any big move goes, there’s a lot to learn about your new home.
And I’m trying to keep up.
So, to help me keep track, here’re a few things I’ve learned:
(1) People stare. Hard. I could be Josh Groban. Or Jesus.
(2) Everyone runs traffic lights. So don’t expect to go immediately after the light turns green.
(3) Pinkberry is basically amazing.
(4) Coffee Bean is doubly amazing.
(5) Parking is a nightmare. Which is why it pays to confirm your apartment either has parking nearby, or has a space included with your rent.
(6) The weather is glorious. It’s sort of like Groundhog Day, just with sunshine in lieu of Bill Murray. Every single day.
(7) DO NOT GO ON THE 110 DURING RUSH HOUR.
(8) Don’t think you can breakfast in Koreatown, antique in Sherman Oaks, walk on the beach in Malibu, and still retain your sanity. Pick a few things to do within close proximity of each other every weekend.
(9) Act like you know where you’re going. Even if you’re hopelessly lost.
(10) Don’t succumb to Big City Snobbery and avoid speaking to people. (Except coked-out Disciple of Jesus.) For instance, I had a perfectly lovely conversation with a man in line at the bank. I have no idea what he said, but he smiled a lot, and so did I.
It’s hard to believe we’re actually living here now. It just hasn’t clicked yet.
Because it wasn’t that long ago that we were just visitors.
But with every new lesson we learn, we’ll slowly find our way.
And begin to call this place home.